Monday, May 25, 2009

Spirituality & Love

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand.
Leave the fingers open and it stays.
Clutch it, and it darts away."
-Dorothy Parker (writer)

Welcome to Spirituality & Science - today's post is about love. I know it's not even close to Valentine's Day but I was inspired by events from my Memorial Day weekend. I officiated my first wedding ceremony this weekend and it was very special for me because it was my baby sister's wedding (and by baby, I mean 30 years old so we won't go into how old that makes me!) She asked me to write and perform the ceremony, and here we were at this amazing house in Vail. After I spoke for a bit, my husband (a singer/songwriter) began singing a beautiful rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra, and I looked at my sister and her soon-to-be husband and saw them gazing at each other with tears in their eyes. It took me back in time 13 years to my own wedding day, with all the wonder and joy of embarking on a new life together. I hoped my sister would look back 13 years from now, still feeling awe at the beauty of a relationship that has grown and evolved in amazing ways.

Is there "one perfect person" out there for you?

I believe that too many people focus on finding a specific person rather than the goal of having a loving, healthy relationship. I've seen couples in couples counseling who talked about everything "wrong" with their partner, as well as single clients who were focused on meeting someone with specific characteristics (what they would look like, what job they would have, etc.) Relating back to previous posts on the law of attraction (The Secret) you attract what you think about. Therefore, if you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about what is wrong with a person or relationship, you only attract more of the same. This applies whether you stay in that specific relationship or not - I can't tell you how many people I worked with who left "negative relationships," only to land in another similar relationship.

So if you focus on what you would like your relationship to look like, you are giving the universe much more to work with on your behalf. For instance, if you visualize your perfect relationship, think about how you want to feel in that relationship (fulfilled, supported, happy, etc.) Imagine yourself feeling those things and let the universe sort out how you will get there. If you give multiple constraints on specifics like hair color, height, or income, you are only limiting the universe (and yourself) in finding an ideal partner. If you are already in a relationship, then by focusing on the strengths of that relationship, you will cause those aspects to grow as well. So while I don't believe there is "one perfect person" out there, I do believe you can attract a person to you who will fulfill your vision of an ideal relationship.

What if I have no idea what an ideal relationship is supposed to look like?
I have seen people that were in relationships involving domestic violence who did not even know what a "healthy" relationship looked like. Often times, they had parents who were dysfunctional (or at least more dysfunctional on the continuum of "normal.") In these cases, it was difficult to visualize something they had never witnessed and they would pick relationships based on what was familiar, rather than what was healthy. If this applies to you then here are a few suggestions:
1) If you know of any couples that do represent what you would like in a relationship, then spend more time with them. Be around that what you wish to have.
2) If you don't have any friends or family that have what you would consider to be a healthy relationship, then watch couples where ever you go. When you see something that makes you think, "I'd like that," write down what it is. Did they smile at each other? Hold hands? Call each other "honey?" Laugh? Anytime you see something positive, make a note of it until you have a list of things you know you want in your relationship.
Think about anything that makes you happy (puppies, sunny days, etc.) and focus on that feeling. Remember, your goal is to feel happy and then you attract more things to you that will cause feelings of happiness (relationships included).

You complete me...not!
I think that mainstream movies often paint unhealthy pictures of love. You are much better able to find love and a great relationship if you are first happy yourself. If you feel complete and content as an individual person, you are then able to give and receive love freely. This follows the "where ever you go, there you are" principle - happiness always comes first from within. If you are unhappy in general, it will be extremely difficult to find a "happy" relationship, and someone else cannot provide that joy for you. So examine your thoughts and find ways to make yourself happy before seeking out someone else.

In Summary
I've focused here on love with significant others, but this is but one form of love. There is love between friends, love among family members, love for one's pets, etc. but it all follows the same principle - the law of attraction. Think about someone you know with a great relationship and you will find that they also have these other forms of love in their life as well. Remember this if you remember nothing else about this post - whatever you focus on is what grows, so if you want love - focus on it! Until next time...


Chuck Dilmore said...

beautiful post, Kristi!

Anonymous said...

You bring up an interesting point: power of attraction and love.

I agree that there is not "one perfect person" and I think this is because there are so many variations in energy vibrations. Basically, I believe we are 'compatible' with those who vibrate at similar frequencies. I don't know enough about energy to substantiate my theory, however my personal experience with relationships suggests this is true because when I met my fiancé I felt a 'similarity' -- like I'd known him for a long time. This is a feeling I never had with my previous few boyfriends.

I think that similar energy frequency vibrations tend to find each other and 'orbit' near each other. I believe it is possible that this happens through out eternity and lifetimes and that is where the term 'soul mate' comes from because the same souls orbit around eachother through out time. Or maybe that is too idealistic/romantic to be true.

Interestingly enough, I think the internet is what is allowing energy frequencies to find each other. In fact, I found my fiancé and two dogs on the net and we all vibrate at a happy frequency together ;)
I think the internet is due to and integral in the expansion of perceived energy frequencies occurring as we near the galactic alignment of 2012 (but that is an entirely different topic).

Thanks for this post!

Kristi said...

That's a great point and I completely agree about vibrational levels. When my husband met me some 15 years ago, he told me on our first date that it felt like we had been childhood friends. I also think your friends (and even pets) are attracted to you because of their similar vibrational rate(and this rate changes - becoming faster - as you grow as a person). This is why some friends and couples "grow apart" as they are no longer vibrating at the same rate. This is a great topic for another post - I'll wait a little before I touch the 2012 issue! :)